Remembering the Station Nightclub ....

Its funny how certain songs or sights reminds you of things.....then my brain starts flowing....and all the memories flood back in, like they just happened yesterday.

This happened this morning......in regards to the Station Nightclub Fire. Next week will be 6 years since the tragedy.

No, I wasn't at the night club that night. My story is that of an innocent bystander. I was originally scheduled to work that night, but...be it fate or what..... opted out at last minute.....as another co-worker really wanted to see Great White. It was a regular, run of the mill bar gig to us. Budweiser was a co-sponsor....we had some swag to throw out from them....banner up.... just hang out....Doc was pumped, cause he got to introduce the band.

But we all know it didn't turn out that way.

I'm not going to go into a rant about who was wrong and what did what. The fact of the matter is.... 100 innocent people lost their lives. 100 listeners.... people just out on a Thursday night to see a cheasy 80's band at a local night club. We've all been "there". 100 families effected forever. Children without parents. Parents without children. I recall the ProJo publishing the faces off all the victims a week or 2 after the fire. We had it posted on the back of the Coast studio door.

Anyhow...to this day, i feel guilty for being so negatively effected by this. Every year it saddens me still....i just cannot face it. Last year they did a 5 year anniversary concert...and i couldn't watch it. Im just not ready yet. I may not have been there, but i dealt with the bulk of the aftermath. I was right there. I had to dig through our prize recipients lists and find the list of people that picked up their free Great White tickets for the courts to see. I had to read the list...and realize we gave tickets away to a person that never made it out. I saw the absolute horror in the eyes of our interns that were there.....

My mom calling me in a panic at 5am when she heard the news on my dad's radio alarm clock...thinking I was there, and when i answered my phone....she burst into tears screaming in joy that i wasnt and was OK. The phone calls continued all that day from various family & friends...calling to make sure I was safe. Thank you.

Calling and talking to Paul on the HJY hotline at 6:30am on Friday.....the grimness in his voice....so solemn.....telling me they still hadn't found Doc. Talking about how everyone was still sitting outside the studios and hadnt gone home yet...but thank GOD....the rest of our staff was OK....shooken up and a few burns...but OK!!!!

My car couldn't get to work quick enough that morning. I witnessed ambulance after ambulance after ambulance flying up 95.....i knew they were burn victims. The Rhode Island hospitals filled up too quick with burn victims....that they were rushing them to Boston....

The vision of Scarpetti moving the HJY "cage" away from the burning building so the firefighters could get in closer on live TV is forever embedded in my head.

Sitting in the conference room early Friday morning, and witnessing our General Manager, Bud....break down SOBBING. We all cried. By 10am, the building was a soldering mess of ash, and Doc couldnt be found at any hospital. We knew in our hearts what was to come. Not just Doc...but the entire nightmare just seemed too unreal. How could this happen?! Anger and sadness. We canceled the remotes for the weekend...as it just wasnt "right" to be out celebrating anything. Clear Channel brought in disaster therapists for everyone to have one-on-ones with.

I felt utterly helpless. The TV continued to show and reshow the footage ad-nauseum for weeks. I saw the faces of listeners i knew. Loyal people that we often saw at events.... good, hardworking, nice people. But this time....i saw them .....bottle necked in the doorway.....not able to get out of the burning building because 200+ people were trying to get out all at once, panicked and were stuck in the door. One of our interns busted a window with his arm and crawled out--- so glad he did, cause this created an escape for several more people.

Over the year following, we ran into some of the survivors.... a few we had come in the studios to talk about various recovery fundraisers they were doing....and scholarships they had put together for children that were left parent-less from the fire. Even more heartwrenching. One woman.... handless, her face a molten mess....expressionless and tight. She had spent over 100 days in the burn unit in Boston. Left with a daily reminder for the rest of her life.....yet so driven to keep going on and to fight for those that lost the fight.

We got the word that Doc's body had been found that Monday..... Bud sent out a mass email. He had been one of the few that was identified by his dental records. Whatever happened....we dont know. He had a big heart tho....several people swear they saw him come out of the building originally...but perhaps he went back in to help others get out....

The evening before the fire--- i sat out in the studio parking lot in my car listening to Doc interview the guys from Great White on HJY (pre-recorded). Totally not something I would normally do--- but for some reason, I was intrigued to listen. Funny how all the events before something tragic are all remembered in sort of a slow-motion--step by step fashion.

About 2 weeks later, me and Big Jim were the first 2 people to get back into the "cage"(our nickname for the HJY black van with a cage design painted on it).... it still stunk of smoke. We had our first event since the fire--- it was eery to be out. The remote was at the premiere of a Pink Floyd Lazer Light Show in a theatre in downtown Providence. We were quiet....we felt awkward...it was like learning to do a remote all over again. Jimmy was sure to stress the points of fire exits to everyone before the show. A lot of the attendees were solemn too.... nodding their heads that sort of "im so sorry" thing to us. We got a round of applause by the audience when we came in. People cheered for us...it was nice to be "back" in action in RI. We chatted with several before and after the show about things--- it did feel good to finally talk to others about it. And this was just the beginning.

The one year anniversary in 2004....we did a huge telethon and raised over $100k for the Doc Fund ..... we manned those phones for 24 hours and talked to a lot of people that called from all over the country. It was heartfelt....

That's just the surface of memories. I have since moved on and away....but have kept my contact with my CC people..... when you live through pain/terror like that together.....it just never goes away.....

i should go now....bottle up the memories for now......im sure they will flood out next week on the actual anniversary.... life today must go on...and leave the past in the past and be thankful for the present!!! I am happy to be alive. :-)