What makes me so annoying that eventually, everyone fades away?
Yet another "friend" has seemingly turned her back and faded into the background, despite my tries at keeping our friendship alive. Just like past friends...I am always the one left behind, I am the one that TRIES to keep us in touch. I am the one that pokes my head in and says Hi here and there....just to let them know Im still here. But slowly the favors aren't returned. I am out of sight, out of mind.
Why does this keep happening?
Said friend was my ONLY friend up here. We went through our pregnancies together. Practically raised our kids together up to this point. We do have varying parenting views, but that never seemed to get in the way....or did it, and I just didnt see that? Basically, ever since she moved up the HR role at work....I was cut out. OK-- too busy--- but lying? Seriously? Fake invite my family to the event we attend every year with yours....then "forget" to tell me the date...until AFTER it passed? Promise to come to a party...then the day before "forget" the come up with a reason not to attend? :-(
Like prior friendships...I was late to see the signs that this was headed to just the fuzzy "hey, I know you" zone.......I saw it when I was already in that zone. WTF is wrong with me? What do I keep doing wrong? Am I too nice? Are you not suppose to be friendly to friends? I mean, if you know me...you know I am NOT pushy....i totally value personal space.....I can be hard on the surface, but am a total softy inside....I like to chit chat.... maybe that's it....do i talk too much?
You wanna know WHY I talk too much? Because I NEVER HAVE ANYONE TO FUCKIN' TALK TO!!!!!! That's why. When you go 5-6 days a week w/o ANY meaningful adult conversations.... and finally someone lends an ear.....you EXPLODE. My sister used to call weekly to check on me.....and I would talk her ear off. Guess what? She hasn't called me in like... hmmmmm...8 months? How do i break this cycle when no one will listen in the first place?!
*Sigh*.
Paige has made a new friend at school, and I keep trying to chit chat with her mother...but to no avail. They just nod and smile and move on.
That leaves me with...hmmmm.... ZERO reliable friends in my life (besides my husband, of course)! Go me!
OK. Sorry for the pity post...but...well.... my heart is heavy right now.
1 comment:
Well... I'm kinda in the same boat, with us moving just last year, I don't know many people here yet. Well, I know people but they aren't friends....I don't think I have a friend with whom I can truly talk either... I think it's harder to make friends as you get older... I don't know... I have part of my friends in Argentina and part in Maryland but I don't have any real close friends anyway.... How sad do I sound? Anyway, give me a call Vicky if you'd like to talk!
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