so another month down...and Im 99% sure I am out for this month too. Figures-- i was really getting attached to the prospect of a St. Patty's Day baby. Stupid me for getting into it-- just to get let down. I am so depressed today....I hate not having total control of everything.
Blah blah blah...I know to be happy for what we have and that it WILL happen when it happens.....cliche, insert line here...blah blah blah. It doesnt heal my aching heart though.
If i werent suffering so much physically, this probably wouldnt be so bad. But every month I truck through 2 weeks of agonizing back pain and horrid cramps--- i take nothing (tylenol doesnt work-- and nothing else is technically "safe" if I am...)....so i suck it up and suffer...in hopes of doing it for a good cause. Only to learn...after several tests.....I once again was in agony and get nothing but crappy old af as a reward.
And my dreams?! WTF is going on there? I keep having vivid BFP dreams...and this feeling deep down that I am....but Im not. Ive taken every test imaginable... *sigh*.
Head high- move on. Focus on more house projects cause I still CAN. Home schedule is being twisted about now to accompany the thief child--- so will take some time to get used to as well.
Besides, next month may be better anyhow.... and we'd be moving onto a edd of Mike's 30th birthday...hah. I can enjoy one more month of summer beers...and one at the Toby Keith concert too..... and if the cards finally align right, we'd get a positive the week before P's party. ....just as my 1st baby is getting ready to start school....my 2nd will be growing.
Right? Yea. I wish I didnt think about it so much.
Oi.
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