So i just replied to a bulletin board post about how a first time mom is having issues with her boyfriend not being involved with her pregnancy, not wanting to talk about it, not giving input, etc.
This is what I posted, and the sad thing is...this is my 100% truthful reality. It is a horrible truth ladies, when you live 3 hours from friends and family, and your "husband" is solely a roomate. I never have a shoulder to cry on, nor do I have the support I feel I deserve. I snuggle up to an ice cold statue on the couch while watching tv. I try to snuggle up in bed.... and get no response. You do not understand how much I hurt and yearn just for a HUG...or for him to put his ARM AROUND ME. I want more than a peck on the lips "goodbye" when we leave for work or the store. I want to feel LOVED. What did I do to deserve this? Am I really some horrid monster??? My reply to her:
we're having the same issue...and this is #2 for us! We have a 4 1/2 year old dd....and BOTH kids were well planned. We live in a home, have decent jobs, etc... so the "stress" is minimal.
Ive been crying a lot lately cause I feel like I am the only one wanting and loving this baby. DH just mumbles or sort of shrugs or "oh yea"'s me when I talk about baby and kicking. He never initiates the conversation or even mentions the baby. Never even asks me how my appointments go. When I suggest names, he doesnt like any, and has none to suggest back. NOTHING has been done in regards to making a room for this kid. He wont help me with anything....even when I ask...he's constantly "forgetting" or "oh yea, i was JUST about to do that".... . I cry and he just looks blankly at me and walks away. He hasnt even touched me in MONTHS.
He was much more helpful and into this our first pregnancy. I wish I had some advice for you as to how to get him pumped up....but I too am at a loss- just wanted to let you know you're not alone!
1 comment:
I'm so sorry you feel this way Vicki. :( It's definitely not fair, and it's not you.
I've been going to counseling lately, for myself, in preparation for Gerritt to leave for deployment, and I've learned a LOT about men and women and relationships that I didn't know before.
I have had a hard time with some of these issues myself. I think that women in general have a real NEED to be touched - many times throughout the day. I know that I need that physical "reminder" that he loves me. That's exactly what it means to me! Well, he doesn't even THINK about this kind of stuff most of the time. Doesn't even cross his mind. I've found that I have to remind him A.LOT. that he simply has to do this, if he wants to have a close relationship with me. I NEED this for our marriage to work, for me.
I wonder if Mike doesn't know about this stuff. There are lots of really interesting book, like "The 5 Love Languages", etc. It sounds like a good heart-to-heart is needed to get him understanding what you're going through, or you have no hope for things to change. KWIM?
I have about 5 really close friends that are going through this same thing, and although it's common, I think it's comforting to know that people go through it, and come out the other side, in a better position. It CAN be fixed. Men don't know of any other forms of intimacy besides physical, but they need to be educated about intelletual intimacy, social, and emotional.
Also, if I would be concerned about some of his hormone levels possibly, if he's not interested in being intimate at all. I know that I've DEFINITELY been through some major hormone flucuations that made me just never even think about doing anything with DH - EVER. I just didn't want to. And I'm glad he was patient with me and stuck with me through those rough times too.
Hang in there though! He's seems like a good guy and a sweet Dad. Maybe you can leave him a little love note in his truck or something - let him know how you feel a little at a time. :)
I'm here for ya!
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