What a day...

ya know....on my drive into work every morning....my mind flows with all this stuff i want to write down or blog about...to release from my mind......but alas, when the time actually times to put it all out....the ideas are far gone or the urgency of the argument has fleeted.

Tonight i feel like a horrible parent. I know it was an accident, but still...when you child gets hurt on your fault..... regardless of the cause, you cant help but feel upset & guilty.

We did a craft with beads before/while i was cooking dinner tonight, and she spilt a bunch on the floor- no biggie. Anyhow, while i was doing the dishes...she wanted to help and got her toy broom out to sweep the floor. Such a sweet idea...but in reality, she was basically knocking the beads EVERYWHERE....they went flying onto the kitchen floor...into the air......making an even bigger mess. I asked her to please stop-- the mess was getting bigger, etc. She demands NO! So, i said she she sweeps anymore, Im taking the broom away. She looks right at me and continues to sweep the floor. At this point, i have to physically wrestle the broom out of her little hands. I take it away...she yells and screams....i got back to doing the dishes...and out of the corner of my eye, i see her taking the broom back...then she runs away with it!!! Brat! So i chase, wrestle it out of her hands now....furious, and tell her this deems a time-out for not listening to me. NO! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Refuses to go. So i take her by the hand and lead her to time-out.....she goes limp and basically becomes a rag-doll....so i proceed to DRAG her by her arm....... still infuriated...and at this point, i dont know what happened....either i tripped over my own feet, or tripped over her....but i went sailing into the air, still holding her arm...and landed on my arm and knee, face first onto the floor....with Paige behind/almost under me!!!!!! I panicked, she's crying ....im scared cause her arm is limp and she's cradling it!!!!!! OMG!!!! I look down at my own arm, and my left wrist is pulsating and blue...but I cannot feel it....all i care is that OMG...i may have broke my child's arm!!

Anyhow....i got her to move her fingers (after fighting even MORE, cause she refused to...causing me to panic even more...)....anyhow...she can move her hand up and down, all her fingers & thumb. No real swelling, no black & blue. But it is tender to the touch...and a red where i had a hold of her wrist :-( . We iced it (much to her dismay)...and i gave her some tylenol...and we snuggled on the couch for a bit. It wasnt until like 10 minutes later that i realized i had tore my jeans at the knee, skinned my knee, and there was blood dripping down my leg. Lovely. I am, 5'8 and weigh close to 200 lbs.... thats a lot of person falling a long ways.

She seems OK...but not 100%...i worry about a fracture, but really, only time will tell. Its sleeting out and snowy...i contemplated the ER...but, she is functional. I even caught her picking her nose with that hand before bed. :-P And she put some weight on it too.

Anyhow...thats our ordeal of the night. I feel sooooo bad. :-( .... my palm/wrist is still blueish....i think i pulled a tendon or something....cause theres an artery bulging a lil that wasnt before. My knee is sore...took 2 band-aids to cover up...but really, Im OK.

Other than that, today was a decent day! I worked from home...and it is amazing how my energy level & stress level is sooo much better. P was a pest a few times, and i felt my blood start to boil...but was able to just take a deep breath, and i was cool again. On a normal work day, after dealing with all the BS of my co-workers....i CANNOT calm....i tend to explode too easily after a day of stress and frustrations. I so wish I could work PT or be a SAHM......this is like the 4th time I have proven I do MUCH better balancing life here then in the office. But alas, that would mean a HUGE pay cut...which we cannot swing right now.

Did i mention i have to renew my license on my B'day in March? And in NH....that costs $50?!?! WTF!! On top of that, i also have to renew the registration on my car for another year ...which will cost about $350. FUCKITY FUCK! No fair. Then Mike gets to do all that for his truck and his renewal in April.....around the same cost. Where will this money come from? ARG!

Anyhow...the storm today wasnt AS BAD as they predicted, tho I will admit, the ice storm portion scared me...especially when i head it pelting HARD against our windows. My biggest fear was losing power. Its 20 something degrees out, and we have no back up power or heat.

Well, i got 2 giant laundry piles on the couch that are refusing to fold themselves. Adios.